Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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