He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I want to fling myself into the sun
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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