i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
