Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
