He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Let's get the cat blown out
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