Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
