pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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