I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
