He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
