My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
