The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize