who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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