Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
