You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize