I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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