don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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