I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
