Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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