dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
