Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
