nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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