There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
