he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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