the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
