Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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