So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
