Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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