but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
