found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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