At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
