Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize