very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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