It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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