Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
