That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
