lets start a swedish sibling band together
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
