There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
