if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
