I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
