Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
