Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
