in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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