I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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