My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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