I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize