When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
