I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Quick, to the slutcave!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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