Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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