i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
