coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
even my farts smell like vagina
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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