Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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