just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
