apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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