You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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