I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
