Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
MIDGETS
????
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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