It's like a parade of train wrecks.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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