he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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