dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
