WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
