My first STD was from a foam party
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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