So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
