She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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