did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
