How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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