just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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