Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
