will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
