sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
