I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
