My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
