she looked like the bat from fern gully.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
