So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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