I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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