Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
