I can't watch pbs sober anymore
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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