I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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