The maid of honor just puked.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
