he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize